I’ll Never Be a Paleontologist

Internet, I think I’m going downhill. Pretty sad, since I’m only a college freshman. But if my calculations are correct I reached my height around the age of 3.

I’ve mentioned before on this blog that I’m currently double majoring in English and Spanish. But what I’ve never told you is that that was not my original plan at all. No, I’m sorry to say that I am not fulfilling my childhood dreams.

Kids have a lot of great aspirations when they’re little. Some want to be firefighters, princesses, or vets. Some wants to be pickles. Some want to develop magical powers. I wanted to be a paleontologist.

As my mother will attest, I really liked books when I was little. She probably still has paper cuts from reading to me. But in between the Bernstein Bears and Dr. Seuss, I wanted her to read me dinosaur books. In fact, I probably knew more types of dinosaurs at age 3 than I do now (hence my decline). This is also why, at the age of 3, I knew what the word “paleontologist” meant.

So, as a little kid, I was all set to devote my life to dinosaurs. What happened, you ask? Well, let us examine a chain of events.

As I grew in age, and presumably wisdom, I decided that I liked the ocean and would therefore be a marine biologist. I even went so far as to explore which colleges had good programs in that field, though as I was still a preteen that was analogous to picking where I wanted my wedding to be as a five year-old. (Though as I’m now old enough to make that decision, it’s going to be in a church. I won’t have any of this beach nonsense.)

Then, I discovered House M.D. which got me thinking, and eventually I decided I wanted to be a doctor, which lasted through much of high school until I realized that I was no great talent at Chemistry. Not bad, necessarily, but certainly not great. That put rather a damper on my plans, considering the amount of chemistry required in college for those who are pre-med.

So then I fell to writing, which led to my current 5-year plan.

 

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We Interrupt Your Regularly Scheduled Blogging…

…To announce that finals start soon! Aaaahhhhhh!

You can’t see, but I’m running around in circles with my arms over my head. And still managing to type. Yep.

Ok, things aren’t actually that bad. In truth, I’m not that worried about finals. I’m pretty prepared, assuming I study a reasonable amount. Unfortunately, a side effect of finals starting soon is that everything in the world is due. Or maybe it’s just several things.

The bottom line is, I’m getting positively slammed with homework, meaning that I may need to slow down a bit on the blogging for the next couple of weeks. I know you’re sad.

But look! Click here, here, or possibly here to read an article I wrote for Sparknotes a while ago explaining a survival strategy for just such a situation (and you thought I had contained my lunacy to this blog… well THINK AGAIN). So that basically makes me an authority on doing large amounts of homework, right? Right.

Anyway, it’s nothing I can’t handle. I’m just busy.

I’ll see you soon, Internet. Possibly not on Wednesday. But soon.

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Pictionary Will Be the Death of Me

Internet, I’m visiting my family. Perhaps just saying that is enough, but I’ll go on anyway.

I’ve got a baby sister (think of this, but cuter), a little brother (same deal), and a 13 year-old sister (if you know what I mean). So my 13 year-old sister, commonly referred to on this blog as “Abidail“, thought it would be a good idea if she, my mom, my dad, and I played Pictionary together. I was under the impression that it is usually the parents who try to cause family bonding, but I guess Abidail likes to break the mold. Or perhaps she is just fond of Pictionary.

As it turns out, Pictionary with my family is less like a peaceful board games and more like an all-out war, complete with appropriate emotions. Abidail and I were a team for the first game, which ended in an agonizing defeat at the hands of our parents. It wouldn’t have been so bad if, after lagging behind the majority of the game, Abidail and I hadn’t pulled ahead near the end, only to be crushed by a last minute resurgence on the part of our parents.

Emotionally drained, I went and got a soda, which I chugged bitterly. My mom brought me some brownies she had made earlier. (One of the many perks of coming home- they have food here. It’s crazy.) We switched up teams, leaving me paired with my mom. “Can I have a brownie?” asked Abidail. “No!” I said “This is all we had left.” And then I shoved a giant brownie in my mouth. It was not one of my prouder moments.

In retrospect, shame on me. Perhaps if you’d played Pictionary with my family you’d understand.

A second game followed, during which emotions ran high. Poor drawing skills were exercised. Ridiculous guesses were made. (Here’s an example from another game of Pictionary, during which my dad and I were on a team. He drew a strange rectangle that looked like the Ten Commandments, or possibly some tribal relic. Then he drew a triangular woman next to it and started drawing make-up on her. “Measure of beauty?” I guessed. Turns out it was supposed to be Barbie. The strange rectangle was a ruler. Anyone who knows me can attest to the likelihood of this occurring.)

Long story short, I lost again. It was all very dramatic.

Gee, it’s a good thing I can build up all these positive memories with my family before going back to college. Of course, I’ll be home for Christmas. Hopefully the fires will have died down by then.

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Happy Thanksgiving!

Hey, Internet. Well, it’s Thanksgiving tomorrow, and I’m home from college for the first time since Fall Break. And I didn’t even get lost on the way home this time. Hurray!

Anyway, I’m kind of sick blah blah blah excuses. This is a really short post. I drew you a turkey.

Happy Thanksgiving, Internet. I’ll be back Friday with all sorts of nonsense, I’m sure.

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A Card for my Turkey

Hey Internet! As we all know (or I don’t know, do you?) Thanksgiving, my favorite holiday, is fast approaching. With this in mind, I made this horribly sadistic card. I would tell you to place it on the grave of your turkey, but you’re going to eat them, so that doesn’t really work.

Here’s the front:

And here’s the inside:

Tasteful, huh? Maybe it will ward off the turkey’s angry spirit. Or it may just exacerbate matters.

Credit for the picture of the turkey: http://www.wildlife.state.nh.us/Wildlife/Wildlife_profiles/profile_wild_turkey.htm

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In a Shocking Turn of Events, I am Now Even Nerdier

Hey there Internet. Before I start in on all the reasons I am a nerd, let me first address the issues of ads. It has recently come to my attention that there are ads on my blog. (I can’t see them when I’m logged in, which is why it only recently came to my attention.) Let me tell you that I hate these ads and all they stand for, and am not making a cent off of them being there. However, it appears that the only way for me to get rid of them is to feed $99 to the WordPress monster, which is not happening. I’m a poor college student.

So, on that front, it seems we have reached an impasse.

Anyway, if it wasn’t already abundantly clear, I am quite nerdy. I like Star Wars, I read the Lord of the Rings Books, and I will fight you to the death if you say anything bad about Harry Potter. Online communities? I haz them. Try nerdfighters and sparklers on for size. Also, I can name the six types of quarks. I can’t do math, but I find particle physics fascinating. (To clarify, I’m not a creepy nerd who sits in their room all day and fashions tiny elf figurines. I have friends.) (Not that I have anything against you if you fashion tiny elf figurines.) Oh, and did I mention Doctor Who? I could go on.

In light of all this, it should come as no surprise to you that I recently found myself in a restaurant that sells fried chicken, playing 3 man chess. In my defense, the game is not mine.

I haven’t played chess in years, though I did have a brief stint on a chess club when I was about 7. However, I did remember how to play. You know how people spend years mastering chess, and honing their strategies, and all that? Well with 3 man chess all those skills are o’erthrown. Also, a whole new element of mistrust is thrown in with the possibility that players can form alliances. It was actually pretty fun, although we didn’t have time to finish the game.

Anyway, I’ll leave you to ruminate on this new information about me. See you Monday, Internet.

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My Journey to the Land of Coffee

Well hello there Internet. I hope you’re doing well. I’m ok. I’ve been trying to become accustomed to the taste of coffee. This is probably not a very good idea in the grand scheme of things, but I figure before college is over I’m bound to have pulled an all-nighter (or ten) and when that time comes I want to have something to keep me awake. Energy drinks scare me and sodas don’t work.

Unfortunately, I hate the taste of coffee. It’s bitter and weird, and I’m pretty sure bitterness is an indicator of poison. Of course, I don’t know what’s good for me, so I’ve been getting a variety of flavored coffee-type drinks in the hope that large amounts of cream and various sugary syrups will drown the taste. It’s worked… sort of. They’re getting more bearable, at any rate. Of course I can’t stand to swallow more than a molecule at a time, which leads to even very small drinks getting cold halfway through.

This afternoon, I purchased a caramel latte from a place in the Student Union (thank goodness for meal plans). I took it with me to the library, where I’ve been studying lately as it is far easier to get work done here than in my dorm room. The drink itself was only about 8 ounces, but I only managed to down half of it before it went cold. Of course, the fact that for some reason they are STILL RUNNING THE AIR CONDITIONING up here didn’t help matters. It’s sitting next to my computer at the moment, staring at me. It’s not my fault, caramel latte! You should have been more delicious!

I mean, it was ok. But it’s no hot chocolate.

Eventually, I hope to be able to drink my coffee black, like some sort of serious writer-type, or embittered businesswoman/divorcée . I don’t see that happening in the near future, though. Especially as I currently have a headache, which I’ve chosen to irrationally attribute to my latte. That’s not helping matters.

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